Monday, November 14, 2011

Quick list of things that you should not give to a pregnant woman

So far, there's only one thing on my list: Plants.
Once you have a demanding newborn in your arms, your priorities change. In other words, unless you can afford hired help, or you live with your parents, or you are prolific like the Duggers and already have a myriad of older children to raise your newer children, you won't be able to do ANYTHING AT ALL for a few months except hold, feed, placate, and change diapers. You won't be able to remember the last time you brushed your hair or took a shower. You won't have time to pee. Your sleep will be occasional and not very restful. You will lose track of time and go into a bizarre place on the time/space continuum where you don't know what day or week (or possibly season) it is.

That said, any young potted plants or herbs will not get watered, and instead will wither into a sad, premature death as they take a backseat to little deuce. I let 2 tomato plants and 1 basil plant sit in my front yard, untouched. The guilt still haunts me.
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With a love so rare and true

My husband and I were having an intense and profound conversation about the consequences of substituting the word SHMOO for the words "...